That Look...

Hold on...i have no idea where this one's going...you can thank MamaLou for bringing this up...like yesterdays breakfast.

Every few weeks or so, i'll be in a restaurant, market, sports event, cow chip eating contest, any given area where the general public forages. This inevitable scenario occurs...

I catch a look, a cock of the head, inquisitive eyes, interrogating the memory like a shake down on a petty pickpocket...and the compulsory question, "Do I...?"

"No...you do not know me, i'm not from here, you've never worked with me, we didn't go to school together, and i never dated your sister."

"But you look like..."

"I know...like Nicholas Cage...no? Paul McCartney? Well...doesn't matter, you don't know me... ...really...you don't."

"No...i think i do...somehow."

"No...you don't... ...nohow...i just have a really familiar face...see ya."

I walk away, with them invariably watching me, slowly shaking their head flailing away at the cobwebs from the recesses of their minds, still in some distant denial of my pleas of innocence.

I could never be even a low profile criminal, or on the other side, an undercover cop, black operative agent or the like, i would have to have some kind of distortive surgery.

Whoever that dude is, however he is friends, kin, or aquaintance with all these people, needs to start giving them money so i can start collecting.

That's it...that's what i'm gonna start doing...THIS is the future scenario...

The look, the squint, the cant of the melon...

"Do i...?"

"HEY! Yeah! You DO know me!" I loaned you twenty bucks a couple years ago, and you know...you never paid me back."

I'm certain "that look" will end right there...but who knows...

maybe i'll get lucky.

Findings....

Woohoo!  FOUND IT!!!  The camera has been missing since last week.  The Queen found it buried in Odysseus, so NOW i can post some pics of things that have been going on around here.  I mean, writing is cool and all, but come on, seriously, wouldn't you rather just look at the pics?

No, i'm not posting anything tonight, it's too late to go into all that.  The Queen just handed it to me minutes ago, i don't even remember what all's on there.  So, i'll leave you good folks with this little jewel.

I should probably tag a small disclaimer here.  I love words.  Not so much USING them as finding out where they came from.  This does not mean a definition, i love finding their source, their ancestral root, their fundamentum.

If you want me to go away and not bother your for awhile, put a etymological dictionary in my hands and point me to the nearest park bench.  If you wanna get rid of me for an extended period, buy me one.  It doesn't matter that i just found THIS "a map of the wheel ruts of Modern English" I love that quote by the way, its so visual of where our language has come from.  My mind's eye conjures a scene of some foggy Irishscape with a deeply furrowed, dark earth sodden path, winding into the brume.  You can't exactly see from whence it came or whither bound, yet it is there, and has been for centuries.  I just want to jump in the muddy fosse and find where it leads...

If you're like me...you'll be entertained for hours on end, if not...wait for the pics.

"Just. Pay. Attention."

Look...its Springtime...and we live in Oklahoma.  It's not called Tornado Alley because it's a sidestreet.  Moore's got a corner on the market, we might as well call it Tornado Highway.  Moore's slogan oughtta be "Tornado's, Taxes, and Traffic ...yep We Got it All!"

It always amazes me that CNN or some local newsie finds the closest aged chaw stained Jethro or pear profiled bra-less Ellie Mae in her moo moo with a half burned cancer stick lolling in her mouth to interview.  "Yehboy...that sucker durned near kilt us all. We wuz trayin to out runn'er but she picked us up and shook us like a dawg, an then pitched us over'n the bar ditch.  Ma Ford's done beat all ta hell, course ya cain't really tail can ye (insert tobaccy stained semi toothed grin here).  We're jus happy the man upstairs was watchin' over us."  Lord, i realize that the real life characters from Deliverance are alive and well and breeding like rabbits here in Okieland, but can we find SOMEONE who had the good God given horse sense to AVOID The Demon of the Plains? 

I've said it before, i'll say it again...If you are stupid enough to live in a trailer house and take your chances in that crackerbox (and i mean CRACKER box), and try to ride it out...you're  rollin' the dice on Mercy, and more than likely, you're going to come up snake eyes.  Now don't get all offended, i've LIVED in a trailer house, about a 1/4 mile from that Love's store you saw scattered all over I-40.  But folks, when those demons head my way, i and mine stay outta the way and let'er blow.   I ain't gonna stop it, i ain't gonna ride it, just realize...it's just STUFF, it can be replaced.  Driving INTO that kind of weather, or watching it boil right into you just makes me realize that Darwin may have actually been on to something.

Take it from a guy who has lived on or around The Alley most of my 42 years on this windswept sod...there's A LOT of other ground here in the state that isn't ground zero.  In the event of an actual emergency...move perpendicular to the path of said demon and stay there till its gone, so YOU won't be the face of Oklahoma on Fox News the next morning.   Again, don't get all offended, because i've done just that...and guess what...IT WORKS!

Gary England can tell you how fast you will die when it hits within a couple feet of where it actually does at precisely the time he said it would.  Therefore, there is no excuse to be killed, injured, or have bad dreams.

Please, if you live here, and it's the time of year it is, i tell this to my children all the time...

"Just. Pay. Attention."

Declaration...

I think its time to make a Declaration of Intent to Secede. I've nearly decided that the vacuumous world of Facebook has very nearly killed my blogging, and i'm about to draw the line. As i've stated many times, the blog exists for the future, for the Royals...you just get to read it before they do. Its an ongoing autobiographic of The Kingdom...our family and growing up, discovering, parenting, living...loving. Facebook, Twitter, MySpace...you name it, is by nature a cheap trick, a quick opiate for comment junkies. I've come to realize that it has charmed me for a season, but i am beginning to see the seductress for who she really is...a cheap whore robbing me, and my family, of memories of the present...in the future. So, if you are a friend of mine on Floozbook and you wanna keep in touch, might wanna think about getting yourself a Personalized Placemat (on the sidebar to your immediate right) or bookmarking the site for future reference.

Now, with that said, i certainly do not regard those who continue with Facebook (or whatever e-venue you choose) as base or immature or whatever offense one may take in my statements. It has its place, it is good for communication, finding old friends and such. It is merely a bane to me. As stated, it has been a narcotic, and the euphoria begins to sicken me. If you enjoy it...great! If you find it has value...fantastic. Its just taking up too much of my time, that i've determined should be spent chronicling things that happen here.

So, i'll be here...with a hot cup of Irish coffee (or some other Celtic laden tipple)...any time you wanna join me around The Table...i'll be happy for the company...

Slainte'!

Offtrack...offroad...

This time of year is always fun for me. So many things are going on that make me remember some very, very special days. First, as previously described, Oct. 27 is our anniversary, that is ALWAYS a good day to remember. Since that day happened to fall on the same day the World Series began in 2001 (Yankees vs. Diamondbacks) the beginning of the World Series always brings back those memories too. We went to sleep every night watching (using that term somewhat lightly) that Series on our honeymoon. I despise the Yankees. So any team that gets over on them is fine by me.

Then, tomorrow being my birthday...the memories go back a bit further still. I've always thought October was a very cool month, figuratively of course. When i was a kid, it was the month when the new toys started being advertised for Christmas, so i got a inside track to a very cool new toy hot off the press for my birthday (actually OBTAINING such was the difficulty).

Fall has forever been a wonderful time for me...the precursor to Winter...and i do loves me some snow...always have, always will. Denver getting POUNDED today doesn't help my appetite. But, as fragmented as my thoughts are right now...i guess i just wanted to say...Fall/October/Anniversary/Birthday/World Series just makes me glad to be here breathing the crisp, smoky, leaf rained air...THANKFUL TO BE ALIVE with such family and friends that the Lord has so richly blessed me with!

I know i'm all over the road today...but...ITS MY LIMBO DAY AND I CAN BE!

And just to go off into the ditch and out into the field...we're having hobo dinners tonight...wanna come?

Homeschoolers are freaks...

Couldn't have said it better myself...and i have entirely too much to do today to make any kind of decent post, so...

To all you detractors out there...beware...we have four more of these coming at you...



and please...save it on Winston Churchill and Charles Dickens...we already know...like the disclaimer said...this is comedic in nature...relax.

Definition...

How will your few seconds of fame define you? Don't know if you all have seen this before but... let the question sink in when you watch this...

This mornings burnt offering...

"Yea thy smoke shalt rise as a sweet aroma to the stygian god Hikkree, and lo the juices of thine sacrifice shalt flow down into thy bounty of legumes mixed in spices and distillations, and thou shalt sup with thine kinsmen with beers and distillations until thou has taken thy fill."

Bruichladdich 3:16-18


Just doing my priestly duty...

OMG!!!!!

Run for your LIVES! Somewhere...ANYWHERE...just don't touch anyone or anything or contract the EVYL, DREADED, SILENT ASSASSIN...

SWINE FLU



Saw this headline just minutes ago on Yahoo News...

WHO: Swine flu pandemic has begun, 1st in 41 years...

omg...OMG...OH...MY...GAWD!!!!! How's that old HeeHaw song go?

Gloom, despair, and agony on me
Deep, dark depression
Excessive misery
If it twern't fer bad luck i've have no luck at all
Gloom, despair, and agony on me...



Now...it took me all of about 5 minutes to dig up this little jewel...


Now kids...to my understanding...that chart records only pediatric Influenza A and B deaths...now couple that with old folks and low immunity folks mortality rates and oh...yeah, might wanna add in the fact that this is ONLY the U.S. data. Does that tell you anything? No? Lemme spell it out for ya...

Swine flu= H-Y-P-E...

this... is...the...flu.

I know i've ranted about this before but good goshamighty...can we dispense with the fearmongering for just a little while?

Lord.

Don't steal this...

I've just decided something that could lead to an early retirement and that 3 month Eastern Mediterranean food cruise. I'm going to develop, produce, market, and distribute a cologne for men. Now, i know what you're thinking...dude, aren't you a little behind? There's thousands of those...ahhh but that my dear friend is where you miss my meaning. I'm going to develop a cologne for MEN. Some women will like it but probably most won't. This is going to be for those nights when you and the boys are getting together for cigars and poker night, a boys night out at the local tavern (mind you i didn't say boot n scoot). This is for the beer, ribs, and whisky evenings out on the back patio by the brick oven.

Cabin...

That's what i'm calling it. When you walk by your buddy, he's gonna go..."Dude...is that woodsmoke? Wait...i'm getting some wet leather..and...whisky...Bro...is that...CABIN?"

You'll take a pull on that big Cuban, exhale and be all..."Yeah, my wife got this for me for my birthday..."

Woodsmoke, wet leather, and whisky...

More flavors to come...but...who wants an autographed bottle?

My vote...(its not what you think)

Something on SWG's blog sparked this previous blog fodder...

OK...i've really had it. The other day i'm driving along on the local "expressway". This particular stretch located between our beloved "Y" and Lawton usually produces some kind of eye roll for me somewhere along the way.

Well, like i said...what i saw the other day...its just way, way over the top.

Bumper stickers are a bad habit of mine...no, i don't have any...but i enjoy reading everyone elses...normally they induce those inevitable eye-rolls. But this particular day...good gawd i've seen it all now...

Now, we live deep in the right ventricle of what one could term as Cowboy Country so i'm pretty accustomed to all the LET'S RODEO or BEEF IT'S WHAT'S FOR DINNER or...apparently there's nothing Calvin won't piss on...Ford, Chevy, Dodge, 88 or sundry other NecksCar numbers, or my most personal UNfavorites... COWBOY UP!...and worse COWGIRL UP! I grew up in rural OK...hell, i was in FFA! I understand the meanings of these terminologies...and i think they are ridiculously stupid...i have an idea of the etymological origins of the COWBOY UP colloquiallism, and that in and of itself is honorable...if in fact where i think it may have begun is indeed fact. Needless to say, it has taken a serious fall from the proverbial horse. Enough digression? OK, OK...

Tooling along in the "Treehuggers Suck Sap" Conservative Hybrid, i was passed by this obvious, yet highly NOT uncommon, ChevroForDodge pickup truck very recently emerged from an oil field road. Now, please understand, i respect these dudes...oil rig work is HARD and EXTREMELY DANGEROUS, and those guys put their lives on the line when they go to work daily, they have earned my deference. But...

"ROUGHNECK UP"

Wait...did i read that right? I speed up and squint...oh...my...gawd...THAT...IS...IT! That gets my vote for the STUPIDEST bumper sticker i've seen to date (at least in that particular genre) and it's certainly in the running for the overall bottom rung. I think i might have thrown up a little in my mouth.

Slippery when...HOT?

Man, is it ever going to slow down? Seems like the hotter it gets, the faster we go! Yesteday, our thermo-meter read 105.3*...and fans...that was in the SHADE! i'll get a pic of it today since its suppose to do it again, and again, and maybe...again!

Saw a quote from Churchill today that said, "If you're going through hell...keep going." Well, i don't think we're particularly in that position, since there's many folks in worse shape, but man...its freaking HOT here.

Yesterday, i played taxi cab driver for a country band called Ricochet that came to town to do a benefit gig. They were some pretty good guys if not pretty good golfers. We took them to The Territory, and it ate us all for breakfast...ain't that right Dawg? Anyway, it was fun.

-<:( ):>-

In other news...Facebook just keeps on amazing. Friends from the past, whom i had forgotten or certain that they had forgotten me, keep finding me. Just this morning i got a hit from my old roommate in college (no, not the same one i told you about a couple months ago). He looks to be doing great! Working for Amnesty Int'l and globetrotting...right now living in London. Poor guy! What an interesting turn though...he was from where we live now, and i never thought i'd be living here, of course, back in school i'm sure he never thought he'd be working for AI travelling the globe. It's funny, i always remember him when i hear, or think of the word, of all things...vegemite. His mom, who lived in London, would send it to him, and he'd pull it out on occasion and we'd have a vegemite sandwich. I remember the first time i had it...i was like WHOA! THAT is a BIG taste! But, you know, it was REALLY good! That was the last time i've had it and i still miss it! and kids...that was...18 years ago! Man, i can't believe its been that long! I know, its crazy that a food would trigger a memory...but i am what i am. "Hi, i'm Piper...and...i'm a foodie."

-<:( ):>-

Here's kind of a freaky little item...Last night i dreamed i was at a football game...it was like a Sooners game or something...and who but Doc and his team dropped in for a visit...literally. Sadly, i couldn't find him once they landed...somewhat haphazardly, on the field, in the crowd...anyway...now i'm dreaming about my blogbuddies! It's a mystical world this blogosphere.

Views from a Parkbench...

Let's just jump in...

If you know me, which most of you do, you know that i have an affinity for the observance of humanity, and their reactions to daily, if not, momentary events. I could sit in a busy park and watch people for hours. Waiting at airports is not a big deal to me. Sometimes i think i may have missed my destiny career path...perhaps i should've been an anthropologist. It fascinates me.

The subjects of which i write are unseceded from that praxis.

The reactions associated with the stimulus of scripting my thoughts is intrinsically interesting. Positive or negative. Abrasive or polished.

The other day i wrote about a question that has nagged my soul for years. The return volleys were entrancing. Not merely of the intimate matter, but of my tendency to observe. As one commenter put it..."Perception is reality." While that in itself is not true, only truth is reality, i know exactly what they meant within the context and i thought it was a very interesting point of view in the paradigm of human response. This particular post is not intended to focus on the subject matter of that entry, but merely about writing in general.

Topics that i consider mundane or at the very most innocuous, if not conveyed clearly, can evoke polar opposites of emotions within readers. The words acting not unlike a magnet...at one angle attracting and connective, and the other repelling and devisive.

Unless one is very adept at conveying exactly what is within the mind, through the pen, to the paper...there is a certainty in loss of translation. The surveilling of just how that wind blows through the trees, and their respective rustlings is enigmatic to say the least.

The difficult challenge of a writer such as myself is to get you the reader identify with the sensory... to see what i'm seeing, hear what i'm hearing, smell what i'm smelling, taste what i'm tasting, touch what i'm touching, or the greater struggle... traversing the deeper chasm of feel what i'm feeling. In some respects, i think i accomplish that by and large (and if you ever care to look up that particular phrase, and the ancient nautical use of it is fascinating, and applicable). Yet sometimes, when i fail in that...the results are capacious.

That the wind causes some trees to sing soft, sweet melodies...and others to rasp naked branches.

And that, dear friend, i find most curious indeed.

Milk Psychology

I've actually been meaning to post this one for awhile. I came upon this little scene while cleaning up after a good breakfast of Pancakes (its capitalized because pancakes this good needs capitalization), pan fried bacon, and of course, milk.

Now, when i say milk, i'm not talking about that B&P crap you buy at your local. I'm talking about MILK. Braum's milk. Pure, unadulterated (well, unfortunately, they do have to pasteurize and homogenize it), straight from their own dairy right here in state, Grade A Holstein milk.

I know your asking, what did he mean by B&P? So i'll tell you. Back a few years ago, a news crew from OKC did some studies on the cow's milk sold in all the local groceries, including many "national" brands. Their findings? All... that would be as in entirely, completely, totally, every one of them, contained in varying amounts...are you ready for this? Blood and pus... Folks, i'm not making this up...if i could find the report to post here i would...but i don't forget stuff like this. Oh, i did forget to mention...the only dairy company that consistently DID NOT have said putrifications? You got it...Braum's. Well, sure, you could argue the point that dairy's use all kinds of countermeasures to prevent all that garbage and obviously pasteurization and homogenization remove basically everything but the calcium and water. And who knows, maybe it was all bunk.

Regardless, i didn't drink it because of that...i didn't KNOW that until the report...i drank it because it was just WAY better tasting milk than anything i could find in any other store. Now, i know that some, if not a majority of you are out of state, and cannot buy Braum's milk, nor have you probably ever even heard the name. So, let me state it this way...to us here where the wind comes sweepin' down the plains...Braum's is to milk (and milk related products) as Ben & Jerry's is to ice cream where you are. Yeah, its THAT good. The only thing better is a local dairy that i stop by on occasion to get THE REAL DEAL (i.e. unpasteurized/ nonhomogenized beautiful cream on the top M.I.L.K.) and I should know...my Grandpa was a wheat and dairy farmer, and dang good at it too. He had the best milk in the county, if not the state...(WELL OF COURSE I'M PARTIAL!) so you could say, good milk is in my blood.

And i'd like to keep it that way...milk in my blood, not the other way round.

Jiminy Christmas! I have never digressed so far from my original intended subject!

Anyhoo, back to the comedic, yet profound scene... One (and i don't know which) of the Royals did this little number...i was just about to pick the cup up and decided there was some psychology at work here.

How do you view this? Is the cup half on...or is it half off?

Whatever...

Saw this Celebrity look alike link at MamaLou's. So, i thought "What the hey!"



Who the #$&^#(*! is Raoul Bova?! What a bunch of crap.




Nicolas Cage fellas, Nick Cage! Although it did reinforce the FACT that after the holidays its back to the "no fun" diet. Pshhhhh who am i kiddin'!






Oh, OK, so i'm actually more like this one but the cool one is so much fun!


Disclaimer:
I realize that the last two posts are what we would typically call "stalls". I've got some ideas i just haven't exactly gotten them put together in my head yet. So stay with me, i'll get this train back on track.

They're its all good...

Saw this little jewel at Uncle Buck's . We already had a similar discussion on the subject matter a few months ago. I, personally, caint stand fer no catapostrophes. I never put much truck in'em m'self, but somebodies allus gotta make a rule bout sumpm. Anyhoo, try yer hand...

You Scored an A

You got 10/10 questions correct. It's pretty obvious that you don't make basic grammatical errors. If anything, you're annoyed when people make simple mistakes on their blogs. As far as people with bad grammar go, you know they're only human. And it's humanity and its current condition that truly disturb you sometimes.

The It's Its There Their They're Quiz