What's old?

Well...shoot.  I sure thought i was gonna get through this year without dealing with allergies.  I was doing pretty good til a couple days ago...and got a few sniffles...and then...like the sprinkle before the sky splits open, it hit last night...in its full fury.  I was up til 4:30 before i finally got some real sleep...and then The Queen's alarm went off about 15 minutes later...or so it seemed.  6:45 came waaaaay too early.

So, since i don't really feel like writing anything worthwhile...i'll let someone else do it...

check this out!

Why I'm Angry...

This blog exists for the purposes of family, posterity of such, and enjoyment. There have been many times that i have desired to write about deeper things or things outside The Kingdom itself. I've often contemplated a distinctly separate blog just for those purposes. Perhaps one day, but not this is not that day.

On rare occasion i have delved into the depths of soulful things, and the subject matter for today would tap that very vein. i have considered this for many days... until i found this...

On a purely terrene level, i can say what i have been considering concerning the events at Ft. Hood no better than this article; found via my friend Eric over at Straight White Guy. I had thought about posting the entire article here, but i leave it to your discretion as to furthering this line...i encourage you to click the following link, its a valuable five minutes of your time.

An Officer's Outrage: Why I'm Angry

Wow...that's a bit...awkward...

OK, y'all know how i like to cook...for obvious reasons (hence the name of the venue). Thanksgiving then, is probably my favorite season (OK so ALL the holidays are my favorite, but..who freaking cares). I was bumping around this morning on Facebook and one of my friends posted a link to AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com. This may become my homepage. It is entirely too funny to at least not favorite it immediately. Then i hit the pot o' gold...Awkward Family Stories...Good...Lawd...i...can't...breathe...

So, since i have entirely too much to do again today getting ready for camping this evening and the rest of the weekend...i submit to you

Awkward Family Story #1
The Thanksgiving Letter
(this is an actual letter written by an actual person, no actors were used here...i can't WAIT to hear your comments on this one- TFNP)

From: Marney

As you all know a fabulous Thanksgiving Dinner does not make itself. I need to ask each of you to help by bringing something to complete the meal. I truly appreciate your offers to assist with the meal preparation.

Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time, I COULD NOT BE MORE SERIOUS when I am providing you with your Thanksgiving instructions and orders. I am very particular, so please perform your task EXACTLY as I have requested and read your portion very carefully. If I ask you to bring your offering in a container that has a lid, bring your offering in a container WITH A LID, NOT ALUMINUM FOIL! If I ask you to bring a serving spoon for your dish, BRING A SERVING SPOON, NOT A SOUP SPOON! And please do not forget anything.

All food that is to be cooked should already be prepared, bring it hot and ready to serve, warm or room temp. These are your ONLY THREE options. Anything meant to be served cold should, of course, already be cold.

HJB—Dinner wine

The Mike Byron Family
1. Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so don’t feel like you a have to feed an army.
2. Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I don’t care what the other one is. No store brands please. I did see an ad this morning for Hagan Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though).
3. Toppings for the ice cream.
4. A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok.

The Bob Byron Family
1. Green beans or asparagus (not both) in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. If you are making the green beans, please prepare FOUR pounds, if you are making asparagus please prepare FIVE pounds. It is up to you how you wish to prepare them, no soupy sauces, no cheese (you know how Mike is), a light sprinkling of toasted nuts, or pancetta, or some EVOO would be a nice way to jazz them up.
2. A case of beer of your choice (I have Coors Light and Corona) or a bottle of clos du bois chardonnay (you will have to let me know which you will bring prior to 11/22).

The Lisa Byron Chesterford Family
1. Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level. You can bring an hors d’ouvres. A few helpful hints/suggestions. Keep it very light, and non-filling, NO COCKTAIL SAUCE, no beans of any kind. I think your best bet would be a platter of fresh veggies and dip. Not a huge platter mind you (i.e., not the plastic platter from the supermarket).

The Michelle Bobble Family
1. Stuffing in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please make the stuffing sans meat.
2. 2.5-3 qts. of mashed squash in a casserole with a lid and serving spoon
3. Proscuitto pin wheel – please stick to the recipe, no need to bring a plate.
4. A pie knife

The June Davis Family
1. 15 LBS of mashed potatoes in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please do not use the over-size blue serving dish you used last year. Because you are making such a large batch you can do one of two things: put half the mash in a regulation size casserole with lid and put the other half in a plastic container and we can just replenish with that or use two regulation size casserole dishes with lids. Only one serving spoon is needed.
2. A bottle of clos du bois chardonnay

The Amy Misto Family (why do I even bother she will never read this)
1. A pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use my silver palate recipe) no knife needed.
2. An apple pie in a pie dish, you can use your own recipe, no knife needed.

Looking forward to the 28th!!

Marney

Inconceivable!

So i'm bumpin' around this morning checking some of the fave's and i ran across this from my wonderful (and talented) blogmom. There are just some people that when they leave the planet also leave a vacuum of wisdom and love that one finds difficult, if not impossible to replace. My own Grandpa being one of those. Anyhoo, in the comment section, conversation swung down another path...about birth...and further...conception. Obviously, here in The Kingdom, conception is a...hmmmmm how shall i say...common thing. Well...was. It got me to thinking..."You know, i've always considered myself as a late October baby, as the residual effect of a particularly good box of chocolates and some roses on Valentine's Day." Turns out...i was right.

What event were YOUR parents celebrating?

Lagiarpism...

OK well...not much today...yet. So i'll steal this from the Brother's Blog. I used to love watchin' Hee Haw too...it was a MUCH better option than the alternative...The Lawrence Welk Show...lord, a kid can only handle so much polyester and plaid. I'll opt for overalls and straw hats ANY day...besides the chix on Hee Haw were much hotter.

When in Rome...

EAT ITALIAN!

When in the South...DEEP FRY IT BABY!!!

In the spirit of the title and since the author is a foodie...i bring you this...



oh yeah...i'm ALL OVER that!

Thanks Doc...The Queen is already convinced that the Southern palette/diet is irreparable and beyond atonement.

Ettekit...

i just couldn't let this languish in the bowels of comments...this was something i left over at Bou's regarding her post, which was funny...you gotta go read.

I was in a hotel restroom once, quietly taking care of business...same scenario...dude walks in(somewhat quickly to the next door stall) yammering on his cell phone. I really didn't care until...i have no idea what this dudes large intestine was dealing with but he went completely... volcanic...i mean, my initial thought was "Houston, we have lift off!" Seriously, i was struggling just to trying to control my mirth! and the dude never missed a beat on his phone...apparently she even HEARD it! His response? "(ahem)...Uhhhh yeah, i'm in the bathroom...So what were you saying?" And there i sat next door, with my hands over my mouth, turning red from holding my breath to keep from completely losing all sense of control. It would've been cool to let the thunder roll, knowing he would get the blame but i had nothing left in the tank.

Bottle of Time...From My Vineyard

I try...i really do, to avoid these things. But when Uncle Buck tagged me with this one...i couldn't get it out of my head, it plagued me...so there it is in all its glory. Now for the rules and my own list of victims...

The meme has the following rules:

1 – Write the title to your own memoir using exactly six words.

2 – Post it on your blog.

3 – Link to the person who tagged you.

4 – Tag five other bloggers.


The Hit List:

1) Jewels

2) Running Mad

3) Big Bad Bob

4) JB

5) Diamond Dave

Oh this is just TOO GOOD!

i couldn't resist...this is funny, funny stuff here. Some of you may have gotten this in an email before but...still...

This is brought to you by Righty in a Lefty State...

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD??

BARACK OBAMA:The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN:My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

DR. PHIL:The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on h is 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH:Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL:Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's why they ca ll it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA:In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.BILL GATES:I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% .... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY:Where's my gun?

AL SHARPTON:Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

Redirection...

There will be more later today, but for now... Here is a link to Eric's, once again the Good Southern Gentleman waxes eloquent on life found only in the South, i would consider it a must read...

Read the Disclaimer!

It's a little late to post what i want to post today, so i give you this from my list of "People with Real Talent" aka 'My Blogroll'.

I ran onto this gem of a blog through Uncle Buck at the EIP. This is solid daily reading (as are all on my blogroll).

Happy Reading!

DISCLAIMER!!!!
If you have any normal bodily functions to take care of...please do it now, before reading this post. Due to the fact that upon reading you will be laughing so hard you will squeeze whatever is in there...out. You have been warned.

Click Here for post.