If you'd like to play the rules are simple...i am the Head Official amd keeper of the 7 of diamonds playing card. This card acts not unlike a yellow or red card in a soccer match(or if you happen to be an expatriated Euro, like my red coated brother Mr.G.- "proper football"). This means that if you, as one of my children, act inappropriately in a public place, or in an area where I deem it feasible to enforce the power of The Card that Pays You Back, you get carded, i.e I flash the card at you. This is your "yellow" card, your warning...tone it down or judgment draweth nigh.
Should you continue in said ill advised behavior, I GIVE you the card. This is where the real game begins...you have basically just received your 'red card'. The 7 of diamonds is then to remain on your person until we arrive back at The Friendly Confines of The Kingdom. You may, well actually you are required at that time to produce said card and trade it in for one lick from its effectual counterpart, THE 7 of diamonds.
If you are unfamiliar with this instrument of justice, it is described as 18 inches of the Wrath of the Almighty. Increasing its aweful sight and sound with 28 holes drilled through the half inch of gopher wood, in the pattern and design of seven adjacent diamonds. Hence the moniker.
Should you fail to produce the card, the wooden form shall be administered thrice the original number. Otherwise, only the original number shall be applied.
Upon the addition of a special substitute official, i.e. the babysitter, the market price for bad behavior increases dramatically. Should that official have the unfortunate duty of having to even present the card as a yellow...the penalty shall be two licks. Should the penalized player continue to perform poorly and a red card must be produced, a double penalty shall be assessed.
Of course, rewards for good behavior are awarded at the discretion of the Head Official and Referee, but these awards are for exemplary service and behavior above and beyond the normal expectations.
That's the game. Simple as it is, it has its intricacies. Of course, judgment is always tempered with mercy, that mercy being inversely proportional to greater age and understanding.
So, if you see me flash the 7o'Diamonds in a restaurant near you, you'll know the game has just begun.
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