Tuesday, May 11, 2010

"Just. Pay. Attention."

Look...its Springtime...and we live in Oklahoma.  It's not called Tornado Alley because it's a sidestreet.  Moore's got a corner on the market, we might as well call it Tornado Highway.  Moore's slogan oughtta be "Tornado's, Taxes, and Traffic ...yep We Got it All!"

It always amazes me that CNN or some local newsie finds the closest aged chaw stained Jethro or pear profiled bra-less Ellie Mae in her moo moo with a half burned cancer stick lolling in her mouth to interview.  "Yehboy...that sucker durned near kilt us all. We wuz trayin to out runn'er but she picked us up and shook us like a dawg, an then pitched us over'n the bar ditch.  Ma Ford's done beat all ta hell, course ya cain't really tail can ye (insert tobaccy stained semi toothed grin here).  We're jus happy the man upstairs was watchin' over us."  Lord, i realize that the real life characters from Deliverance are alive and well and breeding like rabbits here in Okieland, but can we find SOMEONE who had the good God given horse sense to AVOID The Demon of the Plains? 

I've said it before, i'll say it again...If you are stupid enough to live in a trailer house and take your chances in that crackerbox (and i mean CRACKER box), and try to ride it out...you're  rollin' the dice on Mercy, and more than likely, you're going to come up snake eyes.  Now don't get all offended, i've LIVED in a trailer house, about a 1/4 mile from that Love's store you saw scattered all over I-40.  But folks, when those demons head my way, i and mine stay outta the way and let'er blow.   I ain't gonna stop it, i ain't gonna ride it, just realize...it's just STUFF, it can be replaced.  Driving INTO that kind of weather, or watching it boil right into you just makes me realize that Darwin may have actually been on to something.

Take it from a guy who has lived on or around The Alley most of my 42 years on this windswept sod...there's A LOT of other ground here in the state that isn't ground zero.  In the event of an actual emergency...move perpendicular to the path of said demon and stay there till its gone, so YOU won't be the face of Oklahoma on Fox News the next morning.   Again, don't get all offended, because i've done just that...and guess what...IT WORKS!

Gary England can tell you how fast you will die when it hits within a couple feet of where it actually does at precisely the time he said it would.  Therefore, there is no excuse to be killed, injured, or have bad dreams.

Please, if you live here, and it's the time of year it is, i tell this to my children all the time...

"Just. Pay. Attention."


Bag Blog said...

The lady from Hastings interviewed on KSWO was very nicely dressed - hair, makeup, jewelry, etc, all in place as if she went out of the way to be on TV - of course there are only two other people who live in Hastings. She was very dramatic (smilin' at the camera)- Toby and I lol at her drama.

Several years ago someone in the Moore area was interviewed and the best line was "Why how come..." Jesse and I still like to start a question with those words.

Catiche said...

I had a friend who told me that she lived in an area like that. When she was 12, it was her job to climb trees and help pick the dead from them. Can you imagine?

diamond dave said...

I thought Moore, OK was considered VIP Tornado Parking.

And I like your idea of getting in the car and driving perpendicular to the arriving twister, even though most people think I'm crazy. Trouble is, starting around Arkansas the trees and hills pop up, making it very difficult to see the twisters coming, and the roads tend to meander around rather than run in NSEW fashion. Also the tornadoes out this way tend to be wrapped in rain clouds, making them even harder to spot.

I also don't freak out over tornado warnings. I just keep a good eye on the Doppler on TV and get a good idea of which direction they're coming. If my locale looks to be in the path I'll hunker down or get out of the way. If they announce a tornado emergency then I may get somewhat concerned. But all in all, I go about my business with just a little extra awareness of the weather situation when tornadoes are brewing.