Friday, January 23, 2009

Unsolved Mysteries

For a few...months, HRH The Drama Princess has had a dental condition, i think the lay term is "First Tooth Loss Syndrome". This lower front incisor has been dangling for weeks. Last week i went in for the bi-annual scrape and spit, where the happy hygenist seems only too willing to probe through the gumline to find a neural ending or five in my gaping maw. I asked her and the good Dr. about the dreaded FTLS, and they separately agreed...extraction was necessary, not only that but the advice tended toward the expediency of said eradicant.

So i came home and gave her the good news..."You have one week, pull the tooth yourself or I WILL." To wit, the expression was that of shock, dismay, and incredulous harruh (horror).

"NOOOOO...Daddy! Let Mama do it!!!" As if the puller would lessen the pain of the pullee. I don't think she was...comforted... by the greedy smile The Queen greeted that reply with.

Fast forward to last night...The Queen comes home..."Is that tooth out yet?"

You would've thought a starting gun had gone off... it was a cloud of dust and the only thing missing was the "Hi Ho Sillllver!!!!"

We cornered her in the bathroom about an hour later, i grabbed the largest pair of forceps i could find...OK they were vice grips and The Queen had lashed her to the top of the bathroom sink and had procured some wicked looking oral distraction device to lock her mouth open and we converged on her like the Frankenstiens.

Oh OK perhaps that's a bit melodramatic.

We sat her on the sink, and i found some Baby Orajel...where was this stuff when I was a kid? So i gently applied the topical and let it do its magic for a few minutes. I found some some gauze and tried to grip the target...i got a decent pull but it held its ground and we had to deal with some tears. So i got the old standbye... the floss noose.

Now here's where things got tricky....

i cinched the floss around the tooth...very nicely, and tightened the noose ever so gently and when i was satisfied i asked her about yank! I actually surprised them both...she never felt a thing. I peered in...gone, just a tiny amount of blood emitting from the tissue. So i checked the noose...empty. I looked at The Queen who was smiling...and asked her, "Where'd it go?"

"I didn't see it"

We looked EVERYWHERE...with a million candle flashlight, in every possible crevice, crack, corner, and hole it could've fallen...gone...vanished...i mean just into freaking thin air gone. I never even HEARD it fall...and believe me...i have GOOD hearing.


1. We just haven't found it on the floor yet.
2. It may have never left her mouth and she just swallerd it.
3. That Tooth Fairy is one quick little...

I'm leaning heavily towards #2 though i have firmly stated the 3rd.

Of course since The Queen was dressed up in THIS, my thoughts may have been elsewhere.

But...if you have any information as to the whereabouts of this missing piece of Royalty, please contact us immediately.


Jenny said...

So, what will you tell the tooth fairy? Leave a note for her?

Buck said...

Of course since The Queen was dressed up in THIS...

You musta been focused on the tiara, right?

A great story well told, Jay!

The Friendly Neighborhood Piper said...

Jenny: what is said between me and the tooth fairy, stays between me and the tooth fairy.

Uncle Buck: uhhhh yeah...the tiara, does it every time.

Bou said...

Oh I have a VERY similar story. I must remember to post it to link to this... Good Grief.

When I was a kid, we had the 'thread noose'. In this family, we have my oldest son. My younger two boys have him pull their teeth. It is the oddest thing...

Skybag said...

I have a memory of Mom tying a string from my tooth to the door knob and then slamming the door. But we lived in a trailer house and those doors are made out of cardboard - the whole set-up didn't work very well.

The Friendly Neighborhood Piper said...

Bou: interesting...the oldest a budding orthodontist?

"didn't work very well" sounds painful...i'm really a sucker for oral pain...i'm pretty sympathetic.

Bag Blog said...

That brings back great memories. The first tooth is always the hardest, but they do get easier.