Whodunit: A Murder Mystery

OK...who did it?

SOMEBODY murdered my coffee and replaced it with a cheap phony! Here's the facts:

7:00 a.m.

This morning i opened my can of Cafe Du Monde French Market Coffee. I looked at the dry grounds thinking..."That don't look right..." (sniff, sniff) "It don't smell right neither". Ah, i just woke up whaddoIknow...still...sumpmm jus ain't rat. I pour in the makin's and take a last look at those dry grounds before sealing the can back up. Somethin jus ain't rat.

7:05 a.m

I put my coffee cup 1/2 full of milk in the nuker, set the time and...that coffee don't smell right neither...i gotta shake these cobwebs outta my head.

7:07 a.m
Milk's boilin', coffees done, so i pour in the coffee...what the????? It's SUPPOSED to look like DARK hot chocolate...this looks like Redcoat tea!

7:08 a.m.
I add the required heapin' tablespoon of powdered sugar... Sip...WHAT THE????? WHO THE???? This tastes like a St. Louis Bread Co. Latte...This is like, like...drinking an O'Doul's!!

I NEED JET FUEL!!!

So...now it's 1:30 pm in the afternoon and that tiptoe-through-the-tulips little pansy cuppa Joelina that completely played out around 7:25 has left me looking through about 75% of those REM cobwebs...I NEED SOME JET FUEL!!! But wait...i still have an unopened can out in the garage...A CONTROL GROUP! Now we'll find out!

Ahhh...there's... My Precious...

Man, if i open this...and its the same...i am officially going to need to make an appointment with the CDA (No, not the Child Detection Agency from Monster's Inc.!) Coffee Drinker's Anonymous...

I grab the can opener...apply to can top...big exhale...squeeze...ffffffFFFFT! The room air rushes into the vacuum sealed, caffeine an chicory laden goodness... re-filling the kitchen with a robust nutty aroma....ahhhhhh now THAT'S more like it...turn, turn turn, turn....bend back the lid to discover...beautiful darkness, like a 90% cacao chunk of bitter chocolate paradise! I fantasize...diving into the lurid pile of warm nutty Louisiana roasted Cajun righteousness and rolling blissfully, soaking up the aromas of...

"What? huh? You wanna play your Clifford the Big Red Dog game? Oh...oh yeah, yeah hold on..."

I KNEW IT!!!

SABOTAGE!!!

Oh yes...yes...i have suspects! Names will be withheld until investigation confirms all involved and accomplises.

Justice may be blind, but when it comes to her morning coffee...well, she don't put that sword down often. (I particularly like this picture with Mercy holding her in check.)