We have a boxer...Murphy's Irish Stout...he goes by Murphy. Being just two years old he constantly teeter's on the edge of certain destruction. But, he's good with the kids and they would be crushed if anything were to "happen" to him. I've drawn iron on him at more than one occasion only to screams of dissaproval from the Royals..."Nooooooo DADDY DON'T SHOOT MURPHY!!!!!" This remains his only salvation. He's a pretty good dog most of the time, but he has his moments...and he's a industrial fart factory. I swear i'm gonna take one of the wooden fence posts out back and plug that leaking pit of Green Death.
Case in point... He's sprawled lazily on a blanket...drooling, the royals are hopping through Sesame Street and i'm thinking...well, i gotta get some stuff done. So, i walk through the living room and thinking about what needs to be done, i inhale deeply...immediately begin choking on the putrid ozone i had entered. ACK! I mean, i must've taken in a couple liters of that miasmic malaria...
Case in point... He's sprawled lazily on a blanket...drooling, the royals are hopping through Sesame Street and i'm thinking...well, i gotta get some stuff done. So, i walk through the living room and thinking about what needs to be done, i inhale deeply...immediately begin choking on the putrid ozone i had entered. ACK! I mean, i must've taken in a couple liters of that miasmic malaria...
My world turned puce...i heard an etheral voice from the past..."oh look, he's vagalled."
I so wanted to kick him right in his perfectly exposed stomach.
But, i regained vector and moved on...
where's that fencepost?
But, i regained vector and moved on...
where's that fencepost?
Update:
Just as i'm finishing this post, P2 exclaims, "Daddy, put Murphy out in the pen...HE STINKS...and light a candle up!
6 comments:
LOL!!! You should read my sad attemt at a blog about the army surplus store and go get you one of those gas masks!- Keli
i'm not sure what you're talking about...you've got a cool MySpace page, and your blogstory was great! Great blog fodder that! Its time you started blogging your life. Come to the Dark side!
I really, truly miss my dogs. But NOT their emissions. Remind me to tell ya about the time (twice, actually) my black lab snatched and ate an entire loaf of bread. She swelled up SO bad I thought she was gonna explode. And she sorta did, one huge gaseous expulsion at a time. She was exiled to the garage for "the duration."
We used to have a Black and Tan Coonhound, Fletcher. He got into some chili that had been thrown out over the back fence. We then had to travel about an hour and a half home with him...and it was about 20 degrees outside...it was one of the most vile trips of our lives.
Murphy also farts when he is nervous. The day you left him with me and I had to keep him in the house so that he didn't follow you...well, lets just say that I put him out fairly quickly and did not care if he followed you or not.
Heh...Murphy and our Tiger should get together...see if they can out-do each other....
...but if they start using lighters I'm leaving....
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