Thursday, December 20, 2007

Happy Meal?

I realize, that, on occasion, i take this forum to rant about this or that(for a couple of my better offerings), the subject matter heretofore being no exception.

The Queen and i, before we were ever married, possibly before even engagement, had made a compact that our children would not follow the mindless masses of "other kids" into the gaping maw of...McDungald's. The Death Star of fast food if you will. I mean think about it, who was the first FFR to incorporate a drive thru [sic]window? To develop a cultural icon (or two, or three...)? To have a play room? Is it any wonder that DevilMart and McD's are married now? Name one other fast food restaurant BEFORE said Lusus Naturae Burgerii to promote a "Happy Meal"(r)! Go ahead, take your time, i'll wait... You can't can you? They have and have always had the most intuitive marketers on the planet! Mercilessly harpooning an entire generation of children and not-so-children children(i can show you my scar, and i bet at great odds we can compare). There are plenty of FFR's that have equally tasteless offerings, but my children, MY CHILDREN have been gigged! We've NEVER pushed McMutant on them EVER, in fact, we've tried, even coerced (due to revulsion at the time) them to give a lesser evil some patronage to the dulcet, almost intercessory tones of..."NO DADDY!!! MCDONALD'S!!"

The proverbial "Twig" (you know, with the camel and all) fell more like a Claymore today when i implored with other options as we (i say we) decided which of the myriad of establishments we have to choose from in this mono-ethnic (i.e. redneck) town of ours, to provide the picnic lunch fare at the park. At each of my alternative offerings the crescendo heightened, "NO DADDYYYYY, MCDONALD'S!!!!" And then, not unlike Tiny Tim in 'A Christmas Carol' came the wee voice from the back corner of the truck, "NO DA DA..." and the unthinkable, the phoneme changed... "DAH DAH!" My son, my only begotten SON, had just enjoined the baleful clamoring and said not..."Daddy" but..."DAH DAH" (Toddlerese for, well, you know). I could hear the glass in my soul begin to spiderweb. And so, it has come to this.

HOW HAVE "THEY" ACCCOMPLISHED THIS?!! How have they poisoned the minds, yea more still...palletes, of MY children?!!!!

MamaLou, i saw this on your own rant, it was beautifully executed and i am going to excersize the same...

A POX ON YOU Marketers of McMeadowMuffin's!!


But yet, not without triumph...there is glimmering hope in this dank darkness of dining despair, Princess #1 did ask for Na'an yesterday. So my heart begins the mending process, knowing that all is not lost in a day, and the higher ways of Bistroism can volte-face the foolishness of youth.


Bou said...

It happens to all of us. We all swear we won't let our children eat that tripe, yet... we end up with french fry addicts. I cringe everytime we're in the car, after a long day of afterschool activities and I hear one of my three say, "Mom, can we just stop for french fries?"

That said, you will also hear them say in the next breath, 'Mom doesn't eat fast food.' Great. I only poison my kids.

Seriously, though, every half day of school, I take them for lunch. They have never asked for fast food as they would have as toddlers and preschoolers. Now they want a Japanese Bento box or Chinese food. Its what you feed them at home that will come through on their tastes.

I think we've all been in your shoes. ;-)

Anonymous said...

... actually, I am quite fond of McDonald's double cheeseburgers.... you mean they arent healthy?....


Bag Blog said...

When my kids were little I was on a special diet. I would make the kids some wonderful meal and then sit down with my chicken and veggies. What did my kids want - what they did not have.

Sure, feed them great at home, but don't withold the treat. And never say never. Teach them the difference between a BigMac and a burger from the Chuckwagon - they will learn.

Eric, I have never understood why people think MickyD's is unhealthy - bread, meat, veggies, potatoes...nuthin' wrong with that.

Dawn said...

boy could I comment on this one!
but, for lack of time,I'm just gonna say I agree with all these comments, 100%
"macs lounge" has never been a place we frequent,but now Carls Jr, thats another thing altogether!!

the friendly neighborhood piper said...

Bou, thanks...i'm fairly confident my kids are going to grow up with an affinity for GOOD food from a variety of cultures. I'll keep stuffing them with gumbo, chicken biryani, thai basil pork and jerk anything and i'm sure they'll turn out...hopefully.

E: its all a matter of perspective bro, that DBL CHZ'r is obviously much healthier than the Triple Coronary you can cram down the gullet over at Booger Sling.

MamaLou: I'm certain they already have made the distinction between McDungalds and The Wagon, its just a matter of logistics at that point. Funny about the "special diet" my kids although good eater's most of the time rarely want what i'm eating. i suppose they just want more garlic and cayenne.

D.O: Oh yes, Carl's...the last time i ate there, i can't tell when i've had better tasting ground cardboard, slathered with a pasty combination of elmer's glue and transmission fluid between two pieces of crunchy elm bark. Speaking of...what's up with that Green Burrito thing, wouldn't we normally try to avoid such things, yet...they advertise it?

the friendly neighborhood piper said...

As an addendum...we did have a wonderful lunch at Long John Mercury's today!