Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Pre-Retributional Wrath

OK, normally i would wait to post a pissed off rant while still biting on the heels of one last week, but this is a special occasion. Furthermore, i'm going to try to keep this rated PG, but i'm making no guarantees, because this involves family, and... well you know.

While The Queen and i were "busy" at the hospital this last weekend, the Elderstatesman and the Kings Mother came down to watch the Royals and keep the Kingdom in top order...at which they excel doing.

Now, we live in a nice neighborhood, you've seen the pics. Our block is one of those almost from the bygone days of blocks where your kids can go to a neighbors for hours and you don't worry. I basically trust everyone i've met on this block which is...90%, saving a couple families that have just recently moved in and i haven't had opportunity. The block east of us...well, lets just say, i wouldn't mind having an insane amount of money and buying the entire block. I digress.

While at the friendly confines of the Kingdom, the Elder Statesman left his vehicle in the driveway overnight...unlocked. Yeah, you can see it coming now. Normally, this wouldn't be that big of a deal, i've left the garage door open all night before. But this night would prove different. At some hour, (OK i'm trying to stay somewhat poised and rational at this point) some piece of shyte meth head prick got in and helped themselves to his GPS navigational system. (Dude, i gotta pause and breathe) The Statesman played it off pretty well, but i know it pissed him off too. But i doubt he knows how much that incident is on a slow rolling boil within me.

Those little rodents have stolen a bagful of Pro-V golf balls from me and a...are you ready for this? A therapy ball i had bought The Queen for her birthday a couple years ago. A THERAPY BALL! Yeah, i was a little pissed about that but hey, its some golf balls and a...freaking...therapy ball. Obviously for me it wasn't so much the stuff as the principal. But now...now you've messed with my Dad...and whoever it was WILL pay the price. I've already got a sweet little plan in mind the ball is already rolling. By the time i call my friend, the A.D.A. here in town, "there will be blood." OK, i'm may be barking a little loudly there. But my plan is good, i WILL crush these little insects, i have the means, and just a little EBay purchase more and i'll bait the trap.

That GPS is gone, the residue of which is already coursing the veins of the bus station public restroom microbes that took it. But my neighbors whom i have befriended and trust have lost things to these little viral aggravants, and its past time for this to end.

In the immortal genteel southern words of Doc Holliday (Val Kilmer) in Tombstone when asked about Wyatt Earp's Kurt Russell) actions...

"Oh, make no mistake...this ain't revenge...iss a Reckonin'."

9 comments:

Jenny said...

I'm looking forward to your little plan there. LOL!!! I take for granted how lucky I am to live so far out in the country. I leave the keys in every vehicle and piece of farm machinery we have and only lock the doors at night (just to keep the children from escaping).

Inquiries said...

I am interested in the plan too!

Maybe the criminal wanted to get his abs into shape so that he can play golf!


Jenny: You made me lol

Skybag said...

I'll have to make it a point not to steal anything from you in the next couple of weeks ;)

Buck said...

Just be careful, Jay. I know it's Oklahoma and all that, but I sure as Hell don't like the way the courts have been moving in this space of late. Add in dipshit lawyers that will take this post as evidence of "pre-meditation" (should it come to that)... and, well...

I'm sure you get my drift. But: Good Luck! I hope your plan has a happy outcome for ya! And less so for the perps.

Bag Blog said...

Theft is so very irritating. I'm in the same boat as Jenny, but every once in a while something gets stolen from even us unsupecting sorts. It is enough to make a preacher cuss. But remember this, they will go to hell (unless they change their ways) which is a much worse punishment than you could ever think on them. When you think how lost they are, you can feel sorry for them - God's vengencance is so much worse than you or I can think up.

Junk Diva said...

We have been robbed 3 times, it makes you feels so violated. They stole the cedar chest that was my Mom's it had the only pic.s there were of me and my Dad. I know they just threw them away, theives are just nasty. I work for what I have, they need to work for what they want.

Anonymous said...

... good luck with your plan.... thieves suck...

Eric

Bob said...

If the trap involves explosives, I'm in!

Doc said...

I look forward to updates!