Monday, March 31, 2008

Opening Day 2008

Yes folks, it's MLB Opening Day 2008! Sadly, since the Yankees are in rain delay we are watching KC/Detroit...but for us here in The Kingdom we're already a day in. The line score looks a little like this: 2 runs on one hit, one error, and three left on. And were i a real MLBaller i would be pissed about now, of course, were i a real baller i wouldna been doin' what i was doin' yesterday...

(queue harp...fade to previous day)

It's funny how the little choices in life can have such major implications. We had been invited out to play some volleyball yesterday afternoon at A & C's. i decided with The Queen working a weekend shift at the hospital and it being partly cloudy and 80* The Royals needed to run amok with 10 more at the beloved Castle du Redneck, so we loaded up and headed east.

We rolled up and they boiled out like little ants off of a kicked anthill, merging fluidly with the 15 others already scurrying about the estate. The trampoline becoming the new Hill. The Prince wanted nothing more the entire day than to grab a large black pickup truck with three busted wheels and move sand from one area to another, he was happier'na tornada inna trailer park. The Princesses bounced from trampoline to four-wheeler hosted by Moondawg's eldest, where they continued bouncing. That went on til the gas ran out, upon which the bulbous moppet dustcloud drifted back to the trampoline.

The volleyball engine sputtered helplessly on in the sandpit. Great sand, sunshine, low net, good ball...horrendous wind= not so much fun, well except for the jawing that always goes on at such events. My philosophy: if you can't win...yap, it makes it more tolerable.

With volleyball winding down,the big boy toys wound up. King Alex has a couple war horses that are just freaking FUN! One of'em can even do a pretty good submarine imitation. The wind must've carried the sound to the surrounding kingdoms, cuz ATV's started appearing everywhere. After that it was all dustclouds, dirt, mud, and rebel yells. I took all three of my Royals for a nice easy lope through the pasture/estate. Then it was MY turn.

Most of the others were over in a area where there was a deep gully with some nice trails running throughout...looked like fun to me! I made a couple runs through the bottom, you know, where all the good mud was! Then, i saw a cool looking trail where it dropped about 12-15 feet down then right back up the same amount, WELL OF COURSE it was almost vertical both ways! It wouldn't be any fun if it wasn't!

So down i went...oh man THAT was fun! and baaaaack uuuuuuuuup...uh oh, i'm losing vertcal momentum but if i gun it, it'll flip, c'mon baby! tooooo the toooooop,uh oh, OH SHHHHH....!!!!!!!!!

Well at that point,the front of the ATV elevated off the ground and started to tip backwards on me, i leaned as far forward as gravity permitted, gave just a little goose on the throttle just to get it over the last couple inches. Horse and rider suspended above time and space for just a couple seconds until the Laws of Physics and Gravity passed sentence.

'He must pay for his ignorance, the horse shall fall.'

And thus, we gently rolled backward ever gaining negative momentum, with the last split second i desperately tried to push the 600 pound vehicle away while somehow springing to some place relatively safe away from it. We both hit the bottom inches from each other, yet thankfully, apart. As i fell, instinctively outstretched my left arm behind me to catch myself upon re-entering terra firma. Physics and Gravity again passed sentence...

'He must pay for his ignorance, Kinetic Force... do your duty.'

On impact i felt something in my arm snap quickly the wrong way. i rolled over and up to my knees, immediately grabbing my left arm with my right hand, i looked down..."Well...crap" Those bones are definitely NOT in their correct respective positions...its,wait...its severely dislocated.

From behind me came, "Hey, you OK?" I turned and Todd saw my arm and his entire face dropped..."Oh, man, we better get you to the hospital."

"No, i think its just dislocated let's just get someone to put it back in."

Physics and Gravity roll their collective eyes, their heads drop shaking in disgusted amazement.

So i walk up the embankment towards a gaggle of guys working on a drowned horse..."Hey, can one of you pull this out?" To a chorus of "OHHH MAN GET THAT OUTTA HERE!!"

Jake's wife is a PTA, maybe she can do it. So i hop on behind Todd and he runs me over to Mrs. Maple Leaf (i call her that cuz she's a Canadian import) who is a dang good therapist, she takes one horrified look and says, "No way, you need to get to the hospital." Thank God for professional judgment.

Physics and Gravity look hopefully up.

All three Royals would stay and play, basically oblivious to what was going on.

King Alex jumps into the Lexus and the rest help me into the other side, someone thoughtfully hands me a bag of ice out of the ice chest,and we were off in a cloud of dust and a hearty "Hi Ho Son of a....!!!"

As Alex did 90 and i assumed the wincing wounded arm position, he laughed and said, "It's usually me in your seat!"

It's about 25 miles to Duncan, so we passed the time telling stories of such events in our life, it was male bonding at its finest. We both decided the Duncan Hospital was not even on the radar, it was the local emergency clinic or on to Lawton. I always told The Queen that if i was badly injured and unconcious, i'll take my chances going to Lawton than risk certain death at the Duncan Mausopital.

Being Sunday evening, the clinic was closed. We made the call and The Queen met us at a convenience store not far away. They swapped cars and she took me on to a real hospital in Lawton. Twenty five minutes later 'EMERGENCY' loomed in the windshield. The Queen shaved 10 minutes off normal drive time, not bad for Mrs. Law-Abiding Citizen of the Year. The trip was not without its expletives, none her fault, it was just those short slow rolling undulations every highway has, and at 85 with a bent wing they felt like a Conestoga on a logging road.

Obviously, i caught a couple obligatory cringing grimaces from those already waiting at the ER. The nurses were quick to assess that i needed immediate help and put us right through. My face apparently didn't indicate my pain...but my pulse gave me away and we saw room 12 in less than 10 minutes. The ER doc was waiting for me and smiled as i entered and said, "Owww!" she was a red haired jewel. She started ever so gently poking and feeling, when she took my radial pulse, she barked, and things picked up speed. Evidently, the position of the dislocation was diminishing blood flow to my wonder my hand was cold, i just thought it
was the ice.

X-ray tech took his pics, while the vampiress located a vein in my hand but couldn't get into it, finally hitting a gusher in my elbow. I was right, severe dislocation, possible fracture. So, let's GitRDone, it's game time! The first pain med was supposed to make me feel happy, and with a semicircle of smiling faces around me...i felt...nothing. So they gave me another round, it felt like i was a couple pints into a keg of Beamish...ahhhhhh! The good Dr. had decided to put me out to reset the arm, so the next round was of the nighty-night variety. The good nurse administered the small vile, and i said, "So, when do i..."


As the story goes, she couldn't reset it herself, she had to go get one of the big boy Dr.'s. Good thing Mrs. Mapleleaf subscribes to wisdom.

I woke up 30 minutes later with my arm wrapped and slung nicely, the Queen talking quietly to the good nurse. I was aware but still a bit loopy, but man, not being associated with drugs, i felt goooooood.

So now here i am, blogging one-handed. It's taken me 11 innings to get this one in. I'll be down a few weeks, but at least it's not my throwing arm. Jeff Kent (who is 40 this year) just went yard on Barry Zito, so yeah, i'll be back, it just stinks getting dinged on Opening Day. This better not foil my plans of jumping out of a perfectly good airplane with Doc in May.


Junk Diva said...

Poor Jay, Don't you know better than to play with Alex. I'm so sorry you got wounded. Hope you heal up soon. You will be in our prayers.

I am very impressed how well you can type one handed and on pain med.

The Friendly Neighborhood Piper said...

Hey yeah! i didn't even slur one word! or...ddi?

Dawn said...

hmmm, Alex's place seems to be getting quite the rep
Heal up good mr. piper,I'm thankful it weren't more serious!

Bag Blog said...

When Jesse broke her arm making a nice "z" shape, we took her all the way to Los Alamos (2 hour trip). The first thing she said to the doctor was, "I'm going to Six Flags in May!" So, am I saying you sound like a nine year old? Maybe.

Didn't you see the photos on Jesse's blog recently? You should have seen the ones she did not post. When I expressed my fears of rolling a 4wheeler onto a rider, she said, "Mom, Alex knows what he is doing!"

Course of Perfection said...

Yikes! Although this was horrible, I am also thankful that it wasn't more serious. I am also very impressed with your one-handed keyboard skills. Enjoy watching baseball! (sure doesn't sound like you'll be playing any for awhile.) :)

Buck said...

Wow. Sorry about that, Jay. I hope you're 100% by May... and barring complications, one would think you will be.

I'm also impressed with your one-handed typing ability! I wouldn't even try...

Jenny said...

I agree with Buck, amazed you stuck it out that long typing one handed! LOL! Hope you won't miss your jump!

But count your blessings that you have a team you can watch. TBS no longer carries the Braves so I will only see enough games to count on one hand. Will be a very strange summer with no baseball for me.

Kris, in New England said...

OuchaMagoucha! May that sounds horrible - so sorry! Please take it easy for a while...

Half Pint said...

Jay!!!!!!You have wine to taste Thursday!! Now wacha gonna do?? Just kidding. Get better soon :)

Inquiries said...

Ouch Jay!

Anonymous said...

... get well soon, sir..... ow ow ow.....


Junk Diva said...

Hey we need an update. Broke or not broke. Take care.

Anonymous said...

Oh dear, oh dear!!
PLEASE may i call you Fodder Wing.

Bou said...

Ouch!!!! Thank God for Good Drugs!

Anonymous said...

Well...on the bright side...It really won't affect you golf swing...

Okay...I'm sorrrrrrrry, but somebody's gotta do it...too much apathy...

Forever yours,

Anonymous said...

I forgot XOXOXO.

Doc said...

I don't really even want to think about what that looked like! Actually, the visuals I can handle, it's the sound these sort of injuries make that freaks me out. May is plenty of time. ;-) Sorry to hear about that though. That whole one-handed blogging thing would be the cause for me finally breaking down and exploring voice recognition software. Get well soon mate. I hear blue skies calling!