Thoughts on my Children

There was a time in each of your lives when your mom and i were your heroes, your best friends, your raison d'etre.  I can remember times when each of you would look at us with complete and absolute love and trust.  Moments when the greatest part of your day was when we got home from work and you couldn't contain your joy at seeing us.  Sometimes that seems like just last week and now you're all grown, making your own choices,  pursuing your own dreams.   Not that there's anything wrong with that,  i just miss those earlier days.  They were precious few, and i didn't realize how fast they would float by like a clouds in a beautiful spring sky.  Even though i tried to savor them, they are but flavorful memories of a bygone feast. 

I suppose its the reality that all who love their children as time marches on and children grow.  I mean,  i get it,  i was the same with my parents. But, I am facing that now from the other direction. 

As i do,  i realize that i miss the softness of your cheek on mine, the pressure of your tiny hands around my finger, the rhythmic rise and fall of the blanket while you peacefully sleep on my chest.  The bright smiles in a dawn lit room standing in your crib extending your arms to hold us for the first time that day.  The smell of baby lotion spread on your back and arms and legs after a warm bath.  So many thousands of little memories that come like droplets of rain reminding me of a time when i was more than just dad.  I was your Daddy.

It all reminds me of how Abba must feel sometimes.   Oh how He loves us.  Let us not think of him just as God, or even Yahweh... but as Daddy.... and lift our hands to hold him... as closely as possible. 

It's hard to explain to you how much i love you all... each of you.   I'm looking forward to these coming years to watching you all continue to grow and mature... someday... maybe someday... I'll be your hero again. 

Eras

I grew up in a different era.  No cell phones,  no social media. We visited each other, talked on the phone, wrote letters, even sent cassette tapes of long family conversations when writing a letter just couldn't do enough.  

I can't count the number of times i went to stay with the grands, or aunts and uncles whether it was 30 minutes or a couple hours away. 

Like a soft rain on a dry, thirsty field in late summer, the snapshot memories of those times still refresh my soul.  I replay them often to revisit a simpler, more innocent season of my life. To visit the grands and smell her frying chicken and hot rolls in the oven,  or the sound his tractor made as it started up and the acrid diesel staining the dirt by the barn where he parked it. The quiet peacefulness of their house when i was bored out of my mind and nothing to do but listen to the birds chirping outside.  Or the escape of going to my aunts and uncles where cousins lived and we played outside til after dark and got into trouble for a myriad of childhood antics or got our mouths washed out with soap for saying some bad word that Aunt Shirley overheard.   

As i write this, the memories flood in as the sky opens up and begins to pour on that parched ground.

I hope my children have those later in their lives.  I believe they will, but with a different family. 

I was too young, and our married with children life began much later than my side of the family and we simply lived too far away from Tammy's side.  Regardless, they've made fond memories with our spiritual family, and i hope it's enough. 

My future hope is that they live close enough to us and one another that their children develop similar memories of experiences with us and their other grands, that or grandchildren will know my children as valuable assets in their development as aunts and uncles should. 

Our children are amazing people. Each of them.  They are going to make amazing adults.

I hope (and think they do) they see the eternal value of what we have here, that they remain as closely knit as they are and have been.   

There is a peace within them and between them that bonds them together,  it is a peace that doesn't come from this world... and I'm so thankful for that.   I have a feeling that they are going to need it. 

May Yahweh continue to bless them and keep them, make His face shine upon them and give them true Grace and true Peace all the days of their lives.

May Tammy and i live to see and invest our lives in our children's children. 

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

To my little ray of Sonshine

Sometimes one picture can capture a person like no other picture can. This is one of those. 

Leah Skye, this has been you from Day One, 18 years ago until now.  i have no doubts that this will continue as your approach to your whole life. 

You. Are. Joy.

Happy Birthday baby!

Dancing leaves...

It's dawn. There was a little rain last night to break this intense summer heat.  A slight breeze is dancing through the leaves of the trees.   Like this new day, something is stirring in me.  Something deep and enduring.   I don't know what it is; been that way a few days now.  

I had a good talk with Madison last night.   Something is stirring in her too, but in a different way.  She needs vector, something to ignite the intense passion in her. I think she knows what it is and now just needs to continue her pursuit of it.   It's a very good direction, it's a help to the Body.   She is a beautiful soul and I'm amazed by her often. Just the simple perspective she has on life. There is very little vagueness to her.  Her sense of right and wrong are like the edge of a sword. She is strong and somewhat fragile at the same time. It's a beautiful thing.  

Yahweh, rekindle the joy in her. Help me to show her how to find the happiness in the simple things in this life.  Give her the sight to see the path before her.  May the river of Life begin to rise and flow within and from her.

Like this new day dawning, May Peace and Joy burn brighter and brighter in her.

Early on... A post from the early days

I think since today is Madison's 19th birthday...wait, lemme rephrase that...her NINETEENTH birthday!!!!....i should post something from those days that lasted such precious little time.  Nineteen years have slipped by so unbelievably fast.  I do not regret a bit of it...the only thing i regret...not writing it all  down as it happened.  

Anyhoo... a couple obligatory pix of then...and now.  

From 

Thought ya'll might like to see the progress....and for some...the news. for those whom this comes as a surprise this is Madison Emilee. she is now 3 mo. and one week. She was born March 21.

Her current hobbies include but not limited to discovering her voice, laughing, watching baseball, and most importantly spending time with mom and dad. She goes every morning to Lake Hefner and walks with mom and her aunt Kim Creekmore. 

The rest of her days busy schedule involves watching mom around the house, looking at the coonhounds in the backyard, sleeping on her blanket, and looking over mom's shoulder. She has now undertaken the daunting task of learning to turn over, progress is good, and she likes to reward her efforts (to mom's chagrine) by sticking her fingers in her mouth. She has a beautiful smile and greets her dad with it every morning when he wakes up and when he gets home from work in the evening, mom gets it all day. "Full-time Mommyhood RULES!!" quothes the mom, and we're pretty sure thats what Madison is saying too, or something to that extent. 

Her musical interests seem to center around the classics, namely, Vivaldi, Barber, Haydn, Saint-Saens, and Toby Keith. Well, i'll have to keep you up to date later...diaper to change.

love you all!

Jay Tammy and Madison

and here we are...19 years later,  and she's grown more amazing every day.